Avoid The Three Levels of Hot Sauce Desperation

We've all been there. The land of desperation. Perhaps it happens at an elderly aunt's house, or maybe at midnight it strikes. That moment when you realize you are completely out of hot sauce. There are three levels of hot sauce desperation that you should know about before you reach them. 

 

Level One: 

You realize that you just ran out of your favorite bottle that has the perfect blend of spice, and flavor. A blend that nothing else compares to, certainly nothing local. So what do you do? Just eat your meal with no spice at all? The horror! Of course not, you resort to the first level of desperation and you run to the convenience store and get their knock off brand. It will likely be a bit bland and strong on the vinegar but it is much better out here on the first level of desperation than on level two...

 

Level Two: 

It is late at night and the stores are closed, but you really want a snack. The corner store is closed so sinking down to level one of hot sauce desperation is not an option. You are left ripping open those little bland plastic packets of Chinese food take out "hot sauce", one by one. Really each one is just enough to get you mad but for just a little flavor you resort gnawing at them like a rat at four in the morning. 

 

Level Three:

This level is so low, you may not want to admit to sinking there. But sometimes there are absolutely no other choices. Hey there is no judgment here, just a path to a better way. It is a family dinner and everyone is about to sit down. You made the colossal error of assuming your great-aunt had taste, or at least her husband brought some spice into the home at some point in the past decade. You were wrong, and there is no way you can justify running down to the corner store for desperation level one as she is setting the meal before you. What do you do? Excuse yourself and raid the pantry and find a bottle of what you would settle for if you had to... a decade ago. Now it has a brown crust around the top and the red pepper sauce is a queasy tan color. Do you dare? Of course, because that is how desperate you are. You sink to level three of hot sauce desperation and sprinkle that ancient generic spice on your dinner grinning the whole time because at least you got a semblance of that addictive flavor. 

 

Do not risk eating a bland meal or your health, join the Hot Sauce Adventure Club and try the newest types of hot sauces. Who knows, maybe the next bottle will come just in time to save you from a level of desperation.